Healing happens when you give up the hope that the past could have been any different. xoxo


20



Sometimes fear feels like a signal to get out of there, but being uncomfortable in a new situation is totally normal. Practice sitting in that discomfort and you’ll find it gets easier.


9, 12, 15, 17, 21



No matter how late you are, don’t speed or drive unsafely. It’s not worth someone’s life or limbs.


18-18, 21



Fire drills. Practice what to do, where to go if the house is on fire. Have an escape plan.


5-10



Face it. Whatever it is, show up with your most powerful self. Make decisions from a point of power, not fear. Sometimes the answer is to retreat, care for the injured, mourn the losses. Strategize. Prepare and then attack.


14. 15, 17, 18, 19, 21



Do not be daunted at the world’s grief. Do justly now. Love Mercy now. Walk humbly now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it. -The Talmud


15



People will always have complicated feelings about the people they once loved. We’re human beings, we can’t expect emotions to be like an on/off switch. Complicated feelings/mixed emotions regarding an ex is to be expected. What’s important is what they decide.


17, 21



Say it early and repeat it often, so that it sinks way down deep: There is nothing you could do to make me stop loving you. No mistake, no failure, no decision, nothing. There is no hole so deep that if you fell into it I wouldn’t climb down to help you out of. I love you no matter what.


7



To quote Harvard professor Adam Grant: “Argue like you’re right and listen like you’re wrong.”


15



Celebration and acknowledgment: Make a big deal over little-big things and teach them the same: getting their braces off, or a cast on a broken bone, a friend gets a new car, etc. Always acknowledge the sad that someone is going through or the difficult situation. Applies to all ages.


12, 15, 19, 21



Ask “Is there anything you want to get off your chest?” Confession is good for the soul! Get in the habit of being a place of support when they screw up. Then when they’re older and REALLY screw up, they know they can trust you to help.


8



Bring Christmas cookies to local fire station and police station. (Annually)


7-14



Build a backyard adventure camp


8



You are never too old to play in the snow.


16



Ask him to memorize and recite William Ernest Henley poem “Invictus” as a Christmas present for me.


15



“Tell me the story of your day.” (Works better than “how was your day?”


5, 6, 10



Sex is not an act, it’s a pool. Stay in the shallow end for as long as possible. Have fun. Be safe. Be respectful.


15



When you feel sad, mad, confused or in any way upset, go to a quiet place to catch your breath. If you can sit with it and let it tell you what it wants to tell you, then you become its friend. But if you try to deny the feeling, or numb it, it grows much stronger and it fights you.


9, 13, 19



Born To Dance has lessons and also does birthday parties. A dance class is a good way to get up and out of the house on Saturday mornings during the winter months. It'll be fun at this age - while he's still young enough to enjoy it without being self-conscious. Also a good way to get exercise before he's ready for organized sports.


4-5



Affection is to be shared, never taken.


14



Change is scary. But scary doesn’t equal bad. I don’t know what it’s going to look like but I know you will figure it out. You’re going to be okay no matter what curveballs you’re faced with. Stay calm. Be kind and respectful to everyone and every thing, including (especially) yourself. xoxo


5, 10, 15, 20, 21



White privilege doesn’t mean that your life hasn’t been hard, it means that your skin color isn’t one of the things making it harder.


14



Talk about how choices become habits. Habits can become addictions. Describe how pathways are literally dug into the brain and it's very hard to change them once those paths are made.


13-16



“Be brave. Be resilient. Be kind. Be grateful.” -Hillary Rodham Clinton


12



Grandpa used to describe injuries and medical procedures as “It’s a nothin.” I think of this every time I have to endure something painful.


14, 18



One of the funny/sensitive things about puberty is that kids can be the same age chronologically while being wildly varied in terms of development. Kid might be 6 feet tall in seventh grade or be a senior in high school and still not shaving. Everyone is self conscious, praying to avoid embarrassment. It’s all just part of growing up. Be kind to yourself and to your equally mortified peers.


11, 12, 13



NEVER sit while someone near you is working.


14-21



They are looking for your support, not your solutions. Applies to all ages.


2, 3, 4, 8, 11, 13, 16, 18, 20, 21



“A recipe for being mistaken: 1. Dislike someone who's often right. 2. Never agree with someone you dislike.” ——- Paul Graham


16



Life is for the living. It’s okay to move on. It’s okay to laugh and dream, work, to party, to rest rest, etc. you honor the dead by living your life. Everyone meets up in the end anyway!


19, 21