On grief: CS Lewis said somewhere that it isn’t just that his friend died, it’s that the part of him that only his friend could bring out would never be brought out again.


17, 21



Your life is way bigger than one relationship. Or one grade, or one job, or one choice, or one event, or one gift. Make room for all of it even when some of it will most certainly hurt.


17



Don't let the laundry pile up. This lessons extends to pretty much every chore: Stay ahead of it and you won't get crushed by it.


17



Be generous in all things. That is my hope for you.


14, 18, 21



Face it. Whatever it is, show up with your most powerful self. Make decisions from a point of power, not fear. Sometimes the answer is to retreat, care for the injured, mourn the losses. Strategize. Prepare and then attack.


14. 15, 17, 18, 19, 21



“When it comes to consequences, don’t speak what you won’t serve.” Meaning don’t threaten any punishment you’re not willing to enforce. This is helpful in terms of teaching the child a lesson and also an important lesson in not shooting yourself in the foot. (I took away your tv one day you were home on a snow day. Bad idea. That punishment was against my own interest! I got no work done.


2



Replace “but” with “and.” “I love you but...” Becomes “I love you and that’s why...” etc.


9



Practice people skills: Firm handshake, introducing yourself, being courteous when encountering / being on receiving end of someone’s rude behavior, offering your seat (never sit while someone with gray hair, pregnant belly, any sort of injury or really anyone who is older or who works harder is standing.)


10



Book “8 Candles and a Tree” about celebrating interfaith holidays.


7



“People are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Pain comes when we try to put them in the wrong category.” - random therapist I never met.


16



Institute a “Wall of Fame” for accomplishments and victories, big and small. AND a “Wall of Shame” for minor infractions such as not changing the toilet paper roll, etc. We have to be willing to put ourselves on the wall of shame too - and that’s the lesson: We all make mistakes but we own up to them, fix them if possible and learn from them always. Also good fun. Start our with actual paper version but transition to a shared iCloud album to post wall of shame pics once they are old enough for phones. Maybe even continue through adulthood if they “shame” themselves!


5-15, 18, 21



Begin colon cancer screening at 40. We have a family history on both sides.


21



Dress for the job you want, not the one you have. Unless you're a lifeguard. ;)


16, 21



Resist the urge to give unsolicited advice. Wait…this entire thing is unsolicited advice!


15



Sometimes fear feels like a signal to get out of there, but being uncomfortable in a new situation is totally normal. Practice sitting in that discomfort and you’ll find it gets easier.


9, 12, 15, 17, 21



Octavia Butler’s “Parable of the Sower.”


14



Sometimes hookups don’t go well. The vibe is off for whatever reason. Stop. It’s okay to say “actually, let’s just call it a night.” Trust your gut. Be kind but never apologize for saying no-thanks.


15, 20



Book: “victory. Stand!” By Tommie Smith


14



Make a gift of Marcus Aurelius' Meditations.


15



Read “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Dr. Marc Weissbluth


Infant



Sometimes grief looks a lot like anger. Are you upset about something you lost or had to let go of?


15, 21



Worst thing in the world is spending your life with the wrong person.


21



Google the “tea metaphor” for a discussion about consent.


17



Talk about how choices become habits. Habits can become addictions. Describe how pathways are literally dug into the brain and it's very hard to change them once those paths are made.


13-16



Purchase book "All Are Welcome" by Alexandra Penfold to prep him for kindergarten.


5



Two rules: First, don’t be a sh!tty person. 2. Try to have some fun. Everything else is just “whatever.”


13, 21



Listen to the radio stations they listen to. Know their favorite songs and artists.


12



Teach to use nail clippers


7



Try not to say insulting or hurtful things, but NEVER write them. (Texts, notes, emails, etc.)


11