Never enter into (or stay in) a relationship with someone based on their “potential.” It’s a recipe for misery, resentment and frustration.
19
Remember the tool of “Yes. But first...” Kids ask for things they want ALL DAY. To avoid saying”no” all day, (and avoid tantrums) don’t say no. Little One doesn’t touch her dinner except for the applesauce. Then she asks “Mommy can I have more applesauce?” Tell her “Yes!” “After you finish your meat and vegetables.”
2
Keep difficult conversations brief. Under ten minutes then table it so everyone can process.
13, 14, 16. 19, 21
Keep stories about younger years to tell them later: You used to call yellow “lellow” etc. Ten years from now you think you’ll remember this stuff but you won’t.
2
You’re getting stronger by the day. Use your strength to protect, never to intimidate. Abusers and bullies are cowards and just the worst of men.
14, 17, 21
Sometimes you have to put aside how you feel about a person and objectively look at how their actions show how they feel about *you.*
16
My dad was a Marine. He enlisted at 18 with his buddies during he Korean War. He was never a "typical" Marine, always a gentle spirit and rarely spoke about his days in Korea. One carry-over was kind of a little inside joke he had with his buddies in the war: They used the expression "Semper Fi" sarcastically, in the opposite way it's meant. When they said it to each other it meant "I got mine, you're on your own. Fend for yourself." We always used to joke about it too when little things happened like there was no more milk for the cereal, "Semper Fi." Of course the irony is that my dad and his Marine buddies were the very definition of faithful when it came to the big stuff. They just liked to joke about the little stuff. Still use it jokingly that way to this day.
18
May you make yourself proud every day. That’s my wish for you. (I will always be proud of you.) xoxo
9, 14, 21
No matter how smart you are or how much you know, you still don’t know everything. ALWAYS be willing to learn and to change your position when faced with new information or perspective.
15, 20
Summer Olympics for neighborhood kids. Create events in all kinds of sports, games and skills. Mix it up so the littler ones and the less athletically inclined have something they can succeed at too.
8-12
Fact: when you drink to excess you are significantly more likely to cause harm to someone or be harmed yourself. Being drunk means surrendering your ability to keep yourself and others safe.
12, 15, 18
Learn how to release energy consciously, or you’ll end up releasing it unconsciously onto your loved ones in a negative way like yelling or arguing. Breathe, sing, shout, cry, sweat, play, bake, whatever floats your boat!
1-21
A lesson from author Tom Zumba. I hope you’ll never need it: “There is nothing nothing easy about this thing called grief. Nothing. But I ask you to please please please say yes more often than you say no. Say yes to you. To possibility. To hope. To love. To life. To healing. Please choose the light more often than you choose the darkness. Not that there aren't gifts in the darkness. There are. But it's often so much easier to find them the gifts in the light. Do all you can to stay in the light. Please remember that the person you love so so so dearly lived. Don't forget that. He lived. She lived. Here with you. And your relationship continues. Always. Don't be so overwhelmed and paralyzed and pissed off that he died that she died that you spend most of your time focusing on their death. Focus on your life. Together. Say yes as often as you can. Choose light as often as you can. Remember that he lived as often as you can. Don't lose her in the details of her death. This thing called grief is hard hard hard work. But you are stronger than you think. His book is called Permission to Mourn
21
If there’s a ever a bird in the house, close the interior doors, open the doors to the outside and shoo it out with a broom.
18
Remember that your tend to act like/ think like the people you hang around most. Choose your friends (and your spouse) wisely.
10, 14, 21
When it comes to judging your behavior at school/ sports/ work, ask: Was I fair? Was I kind? Did I put in the work? If the answers are all “Yes,” then rest well. If an answer is “No,” then fix it.
16
Kids (and people of all ages) need attention, affection and appreciation. It’s not all they need, but it’s a start!
11
Remember your training and staying calm and kind is how you get through this. It’s all you need to excel. So do your homework, whatever it may be. Show up and have at it. Calm and kind, baby. You got this.
9, 12, 14, 18, 21
At dinner time, go around the table and share your “highs and lows” for the day. (Re-ticket up to 21)
5
“Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine.” From short story “The Egg” by Andy Weir
1Infant-21
The Golden Rule is wrong. At least when it comes to relationships and especially when it comes to parenting. Instead of treating someone how you’d want to be treated, treat them how THEY’D want to be treated.__ Learn what THEY need to feel safe and loved, how THEY express big feelings like fear, anxiety, anger and frustration.___ Instead of assuming the friend/partner/child /coworker wants to be treated how you’d want to be, take the time to learn about them. Then when someone you love is in distress you can respond to them in the way they need. ___(Lesson learned from reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Great book. A little preachy but push past that. )
1, 13, 19