Get book “Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids'Go-To Person about Sex.” by Deborah Roffman.
7
Be a good guest. Never arrive to a dinner or a party empty handed. Bring a gift: flowers, food, drink, etc.
18
Staying calm while under pressure or when you could scream in frustration - that is most of the battle. Sometimes the fact that you stayed calm qualifies as a win.
16, 21
Institute a “leave by” time instead of a curfew. That way they won’t panic / speed if something out of their control happens to make them late. “Leave Riley’s house by 10pm.”
13
May you make yourself proud every day. That’s my wish for you. (I will always be proud of you.) xoxo
9, 14, 21
Maria Shriver has lots of great parenting advice. One of my favorites is (paraphrased): “Children need what you need: to be seen, to be talked to, to feel safe and loved.”
Infant
Spend 20 minutes a day watching a show you like in Spanish (or whatever your target language is) with reactionary subtitles. You’ll pick it up in no time!
13, 16, 19
One regret I have is how sure I was that I was in the right. Looking back I can see now that there were plenty of times when I was the a-hole. I wish I had been able to be circumspect.
14, 17, 21
Actions have consequences- so does inaction. Avoiding a problem or decision is not an effective solution.
18
Practice a neutral expression: Interested but not excited. A “poker face” is a good skill to know and will come in handy a lot!
13, 16, 18, 21
What does entitlement mean to you? I think it means the assumption that we are owed something simply by virtue of who we are rather than what we’ve earned.
10
Let's all go on a "complaining diet." See how long we can go without a complaint for a weekend. Repeat often.
9-15
Start explaining wants vs. needs. Continue explaining for the next 30 years. We don’t always get what we want. That’s okay. 4 year olds can begin to understand this.
4
There are things you should not say: Never comment or ask a woman about her age or weight. Never comment on how many kids someone has (or doesn’t have.) The size, timing, composition, etc of someone else’s family is not your business to weigh in on. You never know who is struggling with loss or infertility, etc. And if someone announces they are expecting their seventh kid, the only correct response is “Congratulations” “How are you feeling?” etc. Just like you would if it was their first. Never ask someone how much weight they lost. If they’ve lost weight, just say “You look wonderful/amazing/ fantastic, etc.” And of course never comment on anyone having gained weight. Just say “You look wonderful.” And never never never ask someone how much money they earn or how much money they have, or how much they owe or paid for something, etc. People’s finances are personal, and are just not any of your business.
15, 20
Remember the tool of “Yes. But first...” Kids ask for things they want ALL DAY. To avoid saying”no” all day, (and avoid tantrums) don’t say no. Little One doesn’t touch her dinner except for the applesauce. Then she asks “Mommy can I have more applesauce?” Tell her “Yes!” “After you finish your meat and vegetables.”
2
Following your conscience is more important than getting ahead and will make a greater difference in how happy you are. Getting ahead or not isn’t entirely up to you, but listening to your conscience is.” - Senator Mitt Romney (paraphrase)
16
When you feel like judging someone, try to resist the urge and get curious instead. There’s always a story.
16
When COVID started my first thought was “Holy sh*t Trump is going to cancel the 2020 election because of pandemic.” Thank God I was wrong.
15
One of the best doctors I ever worked with started his day by walking through the office and saying “good morning” to everyone. He’d do the same before he left at the end of the day, just making sure everyone was ok, to call him if they needed anything, etc. I don’t know what your career will be but if you’re in a position to do so, I hope you’ll adopt this habit.
21
This Coda is my creation. It’s what I wanted to accomplish as a parent. What you do with it is entirely up to you. I hope you never feel like you have to do the same. Make your own way. Make yourself proud. If you’re happy, I’m happy.
21