Crushes are fine but I beg you not to waste your time and energy obsessing about someone. Really it’s just a way to hide, to feel something without risking anything. F that. Turn your attention to something creative, constructive or productive. Make art, train for a race, volunteer or get a second job. Discover WHAT you love. Pursue that and your people will be there.
15, 17, 20, 21
Book “Rainbow Relatives” is a great resource to be able to kindly, accurately and sensitively answer their questions about LGBTQ families.
6
Help them develop a positive attitude. http://www.momentsaday.com/10-activities-help-young-children-develop-a-positive-attitude/
5
They are looking for your support, not your solutions. Applies to all ages.
2, 3, 4, 8, 11, 13, 16, 18, 20, 21
Ask them “what would it take for you to_____?” (Keep your room clean, stay on top of your homework, feel like you had more control in this situation, etc.) Instead of nagging or lecturing, just ask.
13
Start a tradition of asking them to memorize and recite a poem or famous speech for a gift for Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc. Start small with the little ones, expand as they get older.
8
Have a yearly “review” right before school year. Raise allowance as appropriate. If they want more money, they’ll have to take on more responsibilities.
7-17
Pretty much everything boils down to looking for love, its many forms. Look in good (creative) places. Avoid looking for love in bad (destructive) places.
15, 17, 19, 21
Actions have consequences- so does inaction. Avoiding a problem or decision is not an effective solution.
18
Ask them to think of foods that taste good and also foods that make them feel good. Involve them in lunchbox decisions, dinner planning and prep, etc. so they’re empowered by their food habits.
6-9
Keep a pair of nail clippers in the car - much better lighting outside. Clipping tiny fingernails is terrifying!
Infant-1
Read poem “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver. (“...You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves...”)
17
Toddler years: Tater tots make everything better. The smaller ones cook faster and you don't have to turn them.
2
Emotional pain is just like physical wound- you can choose to ignore it but it will only fester. Address the pain. Literally talk to it, and listen to it- it’s got so much to say.
11, 13, 15, 16, 17, 19, 21
Sometimes you have to put aside how you feel about a person and objectively look at how their actions show how they feel about *you.*
16
You can’t be a good parent if you’re a miserable person. Take care of yourself. Make the changes necessary to get in a good place. Ask for help. The happier you are, the happier they will be.
1, 10, 15
Make sure they have resources other than us. Hotlines for teens such as Boys Town National Hotline, National $@!#% Prevention Lifeline, etc.
12
This Coda is my creation. It’s what I wanted to accomplish as a parent. What you do with it is entirely up to you. I hope you never feel like you have to do the same. Make your own way. Make yourself proud. If you’re happy, I’m happy.
21
When choosing a partner I think it's less important that you both "believe" the same things and more important that you VALUE the same things and share the same priorities.
20
I would rather deal with a big truth than a little lie. Whatever it is you’re going through we can solve it together but only if we’re both honest.
14
To my boys: Personally I believe the boy / man should pay when out on a date. Always be prepared to pay - but sometimes a girl / woman wants to pay or split the check. Don’t push back on that. Make sure she knows it would be your pleasure to pay because you want to show her a good time and spoil her, but that you understand that paying a check doesn’t put her in your debt. Instead, your motto should be “If you’re comfortable, I’m comfortable.” And that goes for a lot of categories including sex/ physical contact. And to my girls: Always be prepared to pay, offer to pay often. It’s a sad fact that some men feel they’re owed something if they spring for dinner. On a date you are never obligated to do or say anything you don’t want to. Never.
16, 21
Start something new and let yourself revel in being bad at it. Paint badly, dance badly, write badly, play badly. Keep at it, and don’t let yourself get discouraged. Eventually you’ll be good at it!
15, 21
You an learn just about anything on Google or YouTube! Spend some time exploring together and caution about how to search safely.
9