“For better or worse means no matter what life throws at us, not no matter what you do to me.” - Brenda Linn
19, 21
Start a yearly “review” right before school year. Raise allowance as appropriate. If they want more money, they’ll have to take on more responsibilities.
8
Just fill ‘em with love. Every other parenting mistake or deficit can be fixed, but if a child grows up thinking it’s not loved and doesn’t have a place in this world, that is a recipe for permanent and painful damage. Not necessarily “spoil” them, but cut them slack as often as possible. Just love ‘em up.
Infant-21
Sweetheart you don’t have room in your life for people who don’t get you. Let your light shine…and f*@k anyone who doesn’t appreciate it.
14, 16, 18, 20
On grief: CS Lewis said somewhere that it isn’t just that his friend died, it’s that the part of him that only his friend could bring out would never be brought out again.
17, 21
Teach them to clean the bathroom. Wipe down surfaces, clean mirrors, etc. It’s their job to keep it tidy. Everybody pitches in to keep up with housework.
4-18
Institute a “Wall of Fame” for accomplishments and victories, big and small. AND a “Wall of Shame” for minor infractions such as not changing the toilet paper roll, etc. We have to be willing to put ourselves on the wall of shame too - and that’s the lesson: We all make mistakes but we own up to them, fix them if possible and learn from them always. Also good fun. Start our with actual paper version but transition to a shared iCloud album to post wall of shame pics once they are old enough for phones. Maybe even continue through adulthood if they “shame” themselves!
5-15, 18, 21
Talk about what patterns of abuse look like. Teach them to recognize red flags like love-bombing, isolating from friends and family, controlling behavior and threats of violence and/or self-harm.
14, 16, 20, 21
Some days it feels like your world is falling apart, but what's really happening is that it's falling into place. Make good choices. Be kind. Be brave. Trust.
15, 21
Look for examples of people who have dealt with loss without giving in to bitterness. What do they have in common?
17
Commonly misspelled words - find tricks for remembering. Example desert vs dessert. “Dessert” has an extra “s” for sugar. Search for mnemonics.
11
Learn about current trends in social media. Figure out where you draw boundaries, what platforms are allowed and not. Teach them how to stay safe, be positive and kind and always respectful.
9
Check out the website Brightly for timely and age-appropriate book recommendations. All sorts of subjects and themes.
5-12
Practice people skills: Firm handshake, introducing yourself, being courteous when encountering / being on receiving end of someone’s rude behavior, offering your seat (never sit while someone with gray hair, pregnant belly, any sort of injury or really anyone who is older or who works harder is standing.)
10
Research says working with your hands is good for your mind and spirit. Even if it’s just folding laundry or doing yard work. Let’s find a hobby u might like working with your hands.
12
“Where you stand depends on where you sit.” It means your personal situation informs your stance on issues. Try to imagine how you’d vote if you were sitting at a less privileged place.
15, 21
This Coda is my creation. It’s what I wanted to accomplish as a parent. What you do with it is entirely up to you. I hope you never feel like you have to do the same. Make your own way. Make yourself proud. If you’re happy, I’m happy.
21