Stand up (or sit up) straight in photos. Don’t slouch or lean. (You can touch or be close but don’t lean in.)
12, 14, 21
Let's all go on a "complaining diet." See how long we can go without a complaint for a weekend. Repeat often.
9-15
Everybody emits energy. What sort of energy do you want to put out into the universe? Your thoughts, actions, prayers, struggles, laughter, etc. that’s all you. Your energy is all your own. Spend some time thinking about what kind of aura to want to have.
17
“If we could see our prayers we would never stop praying.” - Bunmi Laditan, by way of her angel.
11, 17
“A recipe for being mistaken: 1. Dislike someone who's often right. 2. Never agree with someone you dislike.” ——- Paul Graham
16
When you have no idea what you’re doing, just be kind. Be brave. Think critically and make the best decisions you can in the moment. If possible, find resources to learn what you need to know. Ask for help if help is available. Do your best and don’t sweat it.
18
Get book “Talk to Me First: Everything You Need to Know to Become Your Kids'Go-To Person about Sex.” by Deborah Roffman.
7
Watch film “Radio” (2003) and talk about being brave. Teach them that doing what’s right takes courage.
8
Be mindful of the patterns we’re falling into as a family. Teach them to be mindful of their patterns too.
6, 8, 12, 18
“Beer muscles” is when guys gain a sense of indestructibility, an exaggerated sense of their own strength. Fights and aggressive behavior ensues.
15
A friend of mine lost her son in a horrible accident. She wrote “I don’t believe God caused this but I do believe he can redeem it.” That has stayed with me for years. God doesn’t cause suffering... He showers those who suffer with his grace.
18
It’s okay if you don’t know how (or don’t want) to move on. Start with something easier…just don’t go back.
16
Seek / Accept job offers that teach you something valuable. Now isn’t the time in your life to worry about the money or status. Get experience! Have fun, learn, grow, challenge yourself and try new things.
15-20
Remind them there’s nothing they could ever do to lose your love. They’re so afraid of disappointing you. Emphasize the difference between making mistakes and being a “bad” person.
5, 10, 15, 21
“It takes about 20 years to build a reputation and 5 minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.” - Warren Buffett
12, 14, 16, 19, 21
This Coda is my creation. It’s what I wanted to accomplish as a parent. What you do with it is entirely up to you. I hope you never feel like you have to do the same. Make your own way. Make yourself proud. If you’re happy, I’m happy.
21
Try to avoid the temptation to reach a conclusion too quickly or cling to it too tightly.” (Paraphrasing James Comey from his book ’A Higher Loyalty,’ which I recommend as a fantastic lesson in leadership - and history, and public service.)
19
It’s hard to know how to support a friend who is grieving, but it’s a priceless skill / attribute. Some people just are naturally know what to say, but for the rest of us, it can be learned. If you don’t know what to say, just stay silent but be present. Or try something like “I’m so sorry.” Be mindful not to turn away because their pain makes you uncomfortable. Send a text just “thinking of you.” Grief takes a lot of energy and focus, and there’s not much you can (or should) do to help someone process their pain. So lessen their burden by taking some of the stupid everyday life stuff off their plate: Walk the dog, make a meal, make sure there’s food, clean clothes, toilet paper, etc. Help with school or work stuff if possible. Check in often but take your queue from them. Some people want company while others want solitude. Everyone processes pain and grief differently. Don’t force your way on them. Offer to look at pictures or hear stories about the person they lost. This time is about them, so avoid any comparisons with how what they’re going through is similar to something you or someone else went through, unless it was the exact same thing: Telling someone who lost a child that you understand their pain because your grandmother died last year is not okay. People mean well but they say really stupid sh*t sometimes. (If you ever say something that may have caused pain, just acknowledge it, apologize for it, and move on from it.)There are lots of resources. Grief is so isolating. You can’t make their pain go away, but that’s okay. You’re job isn’t to ‘cheer them up’ it’s to ‘keep showing up.’ Read up on current literature, there are tons of great resources.
19
Teach them to clean the bathroom. Wipe down surfaces, clean mirrors, etc. It’s their job to keep it tidy. Everybody pitches in to keep up with housework.
4-18
You’re going to be okay if your relationship ends. You were a whole person before them and you’ll be a whole person after. - therapy Jeff
15, 21