Be extra careful when you’re parking or pulling out of a driveway. It’s hard to see little kids or pets.
16
Someone I admire is __________. Talk about someone you admire and why. Ask them to do the same. Do this often as you can. Reticket through age 18.
4
Just fill ‘em with love. Every other parenting mistake or deficit can be fixed, but if a child grows up thinking it’s not loved and doesn’t have a place in this world, that is a recipe for permanent and painful damage. Not necessarily “spoil” them, but cut them slack as often as possible. Just love ‘em up.
Infant-21
Professor Scott Galloway’s advice: Paraphrasing his standard wedding toast: “1. Express affection and desire. Everyone wants to be wanted. It’s healthy and it is part of what makes your relationship singular. 2. Never let your wife / girlfriend be hungry or cold. Two thirds of the really awful arguments you’ll have it’s because someone is hungry or cold. Carry blankets and protein bars. (You’re welcome.) 3. Don’t keep score. Decide what kind of friend / son / daughter / spouse / employee / human being you want to be, and practice being that. Put the scorecard away.”
21
Listen to albums. Two of my favorites came out the very same month: Cowboy Carter by Beyoncé and The Tortured Poets Department by Taylor Swift.
12
You can waste your time trying to get people to like you, or you can be yourself- follow your own interests, learn what you think about issues and events, music and faith and conscious- and just trust. Trust that the truer you are to yourself the happier you’ll be. Trust that you’ll have better friendships and relationships when you’re around people you don’t have to pretend around or perform for. Trust.
10, 14, 17, 21
When dropping them off at a dorm, leave them with. Cookie sheet and cookie dough. Make cookies/make friends.
15, 17, 18, 19, 21
You never know what people are going through. Depression, PTSD, anxiety could look like avoidance, anger, risk-taking, promiscuity, etc. Look out for friends, coworkers and loved ones who may be in pain. You don’t need to solve their problem, just allow for the possibility that they’re going through something. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt and not write off “bad” behavior as a character flaw. Offer a non-judgmental ear.
15, 20
Yes, you’re beautiful. But that’s not ALL you are. And it isn’t all that’s expected of you. Surely you could “get by” on your looks. Is that what you want for yourself?
10, 15
I’ve been trying to retrain my brain to deal with anxiety in healthy ways. It’s SO hard when these connections were fused decades ago. BUT I REFUSE to be a party to YOU laying down those same unhealthy neurological pathways. I’ll teach you better ways to handle stress and anxiety. Exercise/ Music/ warm showers/ creativity/ rest/ journaling/ meditation... WHATEVER! I promise to Somehow teach you what I never learned.
5-10, 14
Hand out tulip bulbs (or some sort of bulbs) at my funeral and ask people to plant a few in their yard. But NOT daffodils. I hate daffodils. And lilies, hate ‘em.) So tulips then.
21
Puberty is like putting a 12 year old in the pilot seat of a fighter jet. A total sh*t show at first, then better but still erratic and dramatic until they really get a feel for the speed and the pressure, the gauges, etc. They’ll learn when to question or to trust their instincts. Tell him that he’ll fly this jet for the rest of his life and it will always be dangerous because it’s an effing jet, but he will learn how to fly it expertly. He’ll do good, have fun, accomplish missions and refuel.
12
Participate in an exchange program - either through hosting or traveling yourself & immerse yourself in the new culture
17
Other peoples’ expectations are the guard rails on the road. They keep you safe and guide you he way - literally. They keep you from driving off a cliff. So if you want to be safe, and if you do that’s great, stay within the guardrails. But if you want to fly, you’re gonna have to run right over them.
18, 21
Healing takes time. You can't rush it. Whether it's your body, your mind or your heart that's hurting... you just have to let it heal in its own time. What you CAN do is to take good care of yourself: eat, rest, stay close to loved ones. Do things that bring you joy. Revel in the smallest steps forward. You'll heal, things will get better. Trust. Love. Serve. Live.
20